MINNEAPOLIS (The Borowitz Report)—Historians studying archival photographs from four decades ago have come to the conclusion that the U.S. must have believed in science at some point.
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ok but can plastic bottles stop doin that thing where u squish it by accident and then it randomly pops really loud and scares the shit outta u
which means she can see through your bullshit.
Chloe, you don’t have to hunch your shoulders
in like that. She leaves her mouth all over town
and always tips too much. Fishing pennies
out of her sheer stockings, getting high
off the fumes from the city bus. Chloe,
don’t think that you’re doing anyone any favors.
This will end in tragedy but your boyfriend
will still drive you home and kiss your forehead
while all of those numbers from strangers
weigh heavy where you stuffed them into
your push-up bra. Chloe, you scare me when
you say you are nothing except your body.
Sometimes she just wants to throw herself down
the stairs or brew all the coffee in her cabinets.
Chloe wakes up feeling like she’s been kissed
by the bartender and as proof, she picks
a cherry stem from her back molars. Rinses
her mouth with grenadine.
the amount of pictures I would take if I had a hot body is unimaginable
do u ever just remember your friends have genitals and get weirded out for a second